Mind you, I set 3 alarms that went off, and my boss had called me twice - yet none of the noises coming from my phone that was sitting on my pillow 2 inches from my face, awoke me.
Thankfully, when I called my boss to begin a horrified apology, she answered the phone laughing instead of screaming. Also thankfully, I live 3 minutes from my office, so although I desperately needed a hair washing, I popped up, pulled my hair back, threw on a dress and was out the door.
I usually am not effected by jet lag, I don't know what happened. Clearly my body is still trying to be in America. My mind is a bit too, as I have not unpacked a thing yet aside from the dark chocolate hershey kisses and graham crackers that I brought back from the states. I had to pull them out last night because I had nothing for dinner and couldn't be bothered to go to a grocery store. The only other option would have been pizza and having just had Kraus double crust at home, I knew the taste of Dominos would repulse me.
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| Kraus. My absolute favorite pizza outside New York |
I don't feel bad because I had a proper dinner tonight. My english friends had a few people over to their lovely home in Putney for a small dinner party. They made jacket potatoes, which is what the English call baked potatoes. They also say it really accentuated so it's even more hilarious to an American than simply the visual image of a potato in a little waistcoat. Why are the English always putting waistcoats on things that they don't belong on? Potatoes, eggs, rabbits...
The other difference is while a baked potato is simply a side addition to a meal in America, a jacket potato is the main course. It is also stuffed with hearty and usually awful things, like baked beans or smoked haddock in lieu or butter and sour cream.
Thankfully, the hosts made chilli con carne and cheese for the filling and so I was able to truthfully tell them that it was "really nice." For dessert, strawberries, meringue nests, and cream. Not whipped cream, but just cream - that's how they do it here. It's heavy cream but rather than going to trouble of whipping it like we do, it is just poured on top of things out of the carton. I imagine the whipping process is too much physical activity for anyone British.
As I was admiring their lovely, newlyweds flat, I was alarmed at the front headline of today's The Evening Standard on their coffee table, which read:
"London 2012 Olympics: Sheep, farmyards and even fake RAIN as stadium becomes home to rural idyll for spectacular opening show"
Pardon?
Yes, that's right. The Olympic stadium will be turned into "an idyllic scene of the British countryside for the Games opening ceremony complete with meadows, fields and rivers, and featuring families taking picnics, a cricket match being played on the village green and farmers tilling the soil whilst real farmyard animals graze."
Real farmyard animals will indeed apparently be grazing, for example 70 sheep, 12 horses, 10 chickens, and 9 geese. I guess a £27 million budget can only buy you 9 geese, not the whole gaggle.
To really show the spirit of England, this brilliant idea from artistic director Danny Boyle will be complete with a burst of rainfall from artificial clouds!
This the model that was constructed to show how lovely and idyllic the whole thing is going to be. In my opinion, it looks like it is suited not for Olympic athletes but rather Tinky Winky, LaLa, Dipsey, and Po.
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| Over the hills and far away....teletubbies come to play |
Sadly, this is not the only Olympic thing the British have made a disaster of.
"The Olympic Tower being constructed as Britain's lasting monument to the nation's role in hosting the 2012 games, looks more like a catastrophic collision between two cranes on the Olympic site than a piece of public art," says the Mail.
Thankfully, it only costs £19million.
The Daily Mail also reported that London's own Mayor has enthusiastically compared it to a giant 'hubble-bubble' shisha pipe (or what American's refer to as a Hookah).
I definitely see the resemblance.
Other critical descriptions of the tower refer to it's appearance as 'a rollercoaster that costs £19million a go', 'twisted spaghetti', 'horrific squiggles' and 'Meccano on crack'. Meccano is the English version of Tinker Toys.
In an article in the Daily Mail, I read that at its unveiling Anish Kapoor, the architect, said it that was 'thrilling' to be offered the chance to create for the capital something on a par with what Gustave Eiffel made in Paris."
HAHAHA. On par with the Eiffel Tower? Who do you think you're kidding, England?
Anish later continued "it would be terribly arrogant to compete with Eiffel who spent his entire life making that thing. What we’re trying to make is the best thing we can do."
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| Architect Anish Kapoor with the scale model of the tower |
This hilarious statement earned this soon to be completed, hideous hunk of metal the lasting nickname from the Daily Mail, the "Eyeful Tower." It is certainly an eye full, but I prefer "Hubble Bubble Sisha Pipe" because Anish must have been smoking something when he came up with that design.
Poor England. They are paying a collective £46 million for the execution of what the rest of the world surely sees as the two worst ideas ever. Maybe they can sell the livestock from the opening ceremony as Olympic memorabilia and turn a profit?
As if the tower and the meadow scene aren't bad enough, then you've got the Olympic mascots, Mandeville and Wenlock, who are surely the most hideously strange looking mascots of all time.
I can't decide if their animated or life-size plush versions are worse.
While searching for an explanation for the design of these cycloptic blobs, I discovered they are supposed to appear to be "created from the last two drops of British steel used for the London 2012 Olympic Stadium.
Which begs the question: they built the stadium out of steel drops?
So for this years Olympics London has come up with two hideous Mascots, a "hubble bubble" Tower, and an Opening Ceremony with live sheep and a fake downpour of rain.
One, two, three strikes - you're out Britian. I predict the only medal you will win will be the Gold for disaster. I will, of course, be routing for my mother countries of The USA and France. So let the games begin!
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